Compassion and Cats

Some of you may know I am not a cat person. I am a dog person and I love dogs. That being said, I like cats. I like all animals (but not all bugs). So this is the story of Michelle. A Cat.

Michelle showed up in our backyard where we happened to be feeding feral cats. I am a proponent of catch, fix, release of the ferals in my area, and there she was; a pretty tuxedo kitty too scared to be friendly. Our son, Thomas began making sure she was eating and coaxed her into our lives. Eventually, she made it inside the house, but it was soon apparent she was not a feral. She was probably already neutered, as well, because she was outside quite a while prior to this and never got pregnant. It would’ve been funny to see the vet’s face had we taken her to get “fixed” only to find out she didn’t have any female organs, already.

We determined she was an abandoned kitty, or someone moved and she got lost. Regardless, she came in for a while, but she began peeing on stuff, so out she went, again. Maybe she was peeing in the other people’s home and they threw her out. That happens in this neighborhood frequently. So we called her Michelle and she began to live on our front porch in the cat hotel we set up. It is warm (sizzling) in Phoenix in the summer, but our front yard has grass, trees, lots of water; everything needed for outdoor life for kitties. Our grandson is allergic to cats, so only one comes inside and that’s Nevin. He’s old and we’ve had him for 15 years. He’s older than the grandson in people years and cat years.

But I digress. This story is about Michelle who disliked all other animals. Cats, dogs, birds… she was afraid of everything including her shadow. But she loved people. She would sneak inside all the time, but since she couldn’t be trusted, out she’d go complaining the whole way.

The other day I noticed Michelle was taking a downward slide in her health. We tried giving her kitty antibiotics, but she stopped eating and drinking. This morning she went to see Jesus with the help of our vet at Southside Animal Hospital. Dr. Yokam started this place like over 50 years ago, and he sold out about 5 or 6 years ago. He was an awesome vet, but he’s another story.

The new vet, Dr. Crisely was super kind and professional. Thumbs up, Doc! After a blood test, we determined she couldn’t be helped, so he euthanized her for me. I don’t love cats, except Nevin. But I cried, anyway. Stupid cat.

I always thought only humans had souls, but I know the Bible says in heaven we will have the desires of our hearts, so if animals, especially our fur babies are that desire, then I suppose along with all the other good things promised, they will be there waiting for us. But then I did a short study and I think I might be wrong. It looks as if animals do have souls.

Ecclesiastes 3:21 says this: Who knoweth the spirit of man, whether it goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast, whether it goeth downward to the earth?

Apparently, even King Solomon, the wisest of all kings didn’t know. It says “who knows?” And it says, “the spirit of the beast,” talking about animals.

We were put here for many reasons, one of which was to be a good steward to the planet and the animals, and to take care of everything. It breaks my heart to hear of people treating this earth with disrespect; cutting down all the trees in the rain forests, shooting the wild horses in Northern Arizona, or even not caring if their sweet kitty gets lost or dumped off in a neighborhood. I cried for Michelle. But she was cared for and loved for the last ~6 years. I will not stand before God and have to say I didn’t care, even if I don’t prefer cats. So today, I am sad. But Michelle is with Jesus because the Bible told me so. So there. And now, I’m crying again. Stupid cat.

2020 – A New Year – Great Hope

I am reposting this into our Mirror Gate Website, I hope. This will work, or it won’t.

Posted on January 2, 2020 by rdeemd1

I am thinking about this new year. I am feeling out of sorts and wondering if I feel this way every new year. So much is going on in our lives, not the least of which is we have a friend in the hospital and the docs haven’t figured out exactly what is going on with him. I just heard he is doing ok, today, but he has a long way to go.

This is the first new year we’ve had for quite a while where no one in the (immediate) family is sick, broken, or dying. Things are looking good for 2020. We have several book events scheduled, already. The first one is the Tempe Public Library Book festival, January 25. If you live in that area, I really hope you attend. There will be a lot of fun things to do there, and BOOKS! We would love to see you there.

In the meantime, I have my book And Freedom to the Prisoners with the final editor. I cannot wait to get it back. I want to enter it into some contests and get it published. I am an Indie author which means I rely on you guys to spread the word via word of mouth and social media, so if you read my book(s), and if you like them, please let your friends know. It is the same with TJ’s books, also.

Memories of War is on Amazon and Kindle. It is a novella about the Underground Railroad during the Civil War. And Freedom to the Prisoners is a companion book to it. I am working on another companion book to And Freedom to the Prisoners, at this time.

Writing is weird. Especially the writing I do. Since I dabble in historical fiction, I have to do a bunch of research of the times my stories are set in. I don’t make stuff like that up the way TJ does for his stories. Because his books, The Mirror Gate Chronicles, are science fiction/fantasy stories, he does a bunch of world building and makes up everything; the culture, the events, everything. I cannot do that because I set my stories in known history. But I like history, so for me it isn’t a chore to do the research. I think if I had to world build, I would have a lot of trouble with it. That kind of thinking breaks my brain. Please let me know what kind of stories you like to read. You might give one of us a great idea to write about.

If you are reading my blogs, I would love a response here, and if you buy any of our books from Amazon or Kindle, it would help me a lot if you’d leave a review. The more reviews from you, the more Amazon and Kindle will help us advertise our books. It’s about the stories, but it is also about you folks. Thanks for your patronage.

Research, Research, Research

It is very odd, writing blogs. I think of things while I am driving, in the shower, at church… I cannot always write down my ideas during these times, so I often I lose my train of thought. BUT it is Christmas time, again, and this year is so much different than the last several. That is why I’m writing. I don’t want the time to go by too long before I write to you all. Everyone in the family is healthy. What a concept! What a joy! So, I cannot wait until the actual day of Christmas this year.

What I am doing currently is editing my second story, a companion book to Memories of War which you can find here (click here). The new book is called And Freedom to the Prisoners. It is a companion book to Memories of War, and follows a couple of runaway slaves out of the South and across the country where they seek freedom and peace for their families. I am hoping it will be out on Amazon and Kindle before March. So much work to do, editing. Editing is the worst, but it teaches me so much.

Additionally, I am researching an historical fiction account of my great-grandmother’s life. She immigrated from Lebanon as a child, and I want as much truth as possible, and at the same time, so much of the story is lost, so I want to add possibilities to it of what her life might have been. That will be the history of my Dad’s Mother’s family. I am also researching as much as I can on my Mom’s family. This may be just curiosity or it may turn into something across the years about how the two families merged to be who we are now… Any feedback on these topics would be great. I get a bunch of energy from these two topics. There’s a lot of fodder in both family histories, if only I could get some of it from… family. I’ve sent emails to all the living children. I’ve messaged Facebook family, and wrung my hands. You have to pay $$$ to get Ancestry to tell you anything. I cannot find anything on the Ellis Island website. They don’t recognize our last name. My sister said she found stuff on the Ellis Island website, but I find nothing, nada, zippo! I won’t stop digging, though. They don’t call me a bulldog for no reason.

Have I mentioned I love dogs? Even though I was bitten by one as a child? It was a standard poodle, which did put me off poodles, but I love all kinds of dogs, now. My all time favorite dogs were my Cocker Spaniels. They are the sweetest dogs. People don’t think they are smart, or they think they bark a lot, but none of mine barked much and I only had one who resisted training. Their biggest problem is their fur. They have to be groomed. – Frequently. – It’s expensive. Because of this, I love Doug. His hair is super short. He barely even needs a bath. He’s a pit-mix dog. Someone abandoned him in our front yard almost 9 years ago, right at a time when I didn’t want another dog, and I certainly didn’t want a pit bull. Even a mix. I tried to give him away for a year and no one would take him. But he’s grown into a great dog. He loves me and he loves Elektra, so he’s the best. She can push him around and paint his toenails and he doesn’t even care. Good dog. Sit. Stay (doesn’t do that too well).

Merry Christmas to all my family and friends who read this. I pray for each of you a blessed time and a blessed New Year.

Cancer Chronicles _ Cancer Saga #24

I am finding the last 5 or so years have taken a toll on me as far as my sense of humor is concerned. I am not sleeping well, and I’ve had some bouts of sadness related to sleeplessness (and stuff).

I’ve been thinking about the stress levels, and whoa! They have been off the charts. If a shrink met with me, she’d put me on medication for sure. I did medication for some years, and that stuff is awful, which is why I am not going to the doctor for this. Doctors only shove prescriptions at you. I know I’ve been through the ringer, and poor Tim, too, but here’s the deal: God has my back. I have people praying for me and if I get enough sleep, I do just fine. Just take a deep breath and move on.

In the meantime, Tim and I are writing. He’s working on a new mixed fantasy story which sounds pretty neat. Some guys are out camping and explore a cave, and fall through (walk through?) a portal into an alternate earth. It is in current times, and as he reads it to me, I am quite intrigued. I don’t think it has a name yet. We will let you know more as the book develops.

Also, we are working on Atrell, which is an off-shoot of the Mirror Gate Chronicles. This book is a total stand-alone, about the character, Atrell. His world is destroyed by nuclear war and he’s totally alone for several years when the Thorns discover him and bring him to Rednog where he adds their knowledge and technology to his own. He goes on a solo adventure, just for his own fun, and suddenly he isn’t where he intended to be.

Doesn’t that sound fun?

My new book is with my BETA readers. These guys read my book and tell me if it is weird, etc., and I fix it, and then I edit it and listen to it until I don’t think I can fix it more (and I’m going to send it to a lady who proof reads and does excellent editing) and then I’ll publish it. I’m excited about this because it’s a full length novel, historical fiction about slaves who escape before the Civil War and their travels to freedom. I hope it will be out in time for Christmas. My other novella, Memories of War is available on Amazon here.

I am working on my memoir of my blogs about cancer. Maybe this is what set off my anxiety. Who knows? I’ve always been slightly manic/depressive. Once a counselor said I trended toward manic. Yeah, I can agree with that. I may actually be sort of neutral right now, but my neutral feels depressed because I am so much more manic when I’m not over thinking stuff. I went through each blog beginning with God Defines me, fixing errors, spacing, and stuff. I don’t want to change the blogs much, but I am not sure if I should be putting other thoughts in between the original blogs, and I am not sure how to manage a memoir. I guess I need to look up memoir writing and see what people say. People smarter than I, I mean. There’s a bunch of them out there. Smarter people. I could go to a mall and swing my purse and hit people smarter than I am.

Additionally (and not having anything to do with being smart), my hair is getting long. It’s about 4 – 5 inches of curly, unruly mess. Really. I look like my Sitto who passed away in 2000. She was born in 1903. I miss her a lot. 19 years have passed. You’d have loved her. She was sweet and kind to everyone. She was opinionated and animated, and she taught me to cook Lebanese food. I have this really cool cookbook she gave me and I am rewriting it. But I digress (I do that a lot). This paragraph is about my hair and I need someone to take a couple good photos of me with all the curls. I cannot do it myself. Phone cameras don’t take selfies as well as we all wish they did. They don’t take any photos as well as my Canon does. Tim tried, but I was in the sun and that just makes the photos harsh. And I’m hyper-critical about how I look, so I hated them. I need filters for my camera, but they cost money. I have a photo editor, but it is cheap and limited, so I can’t make it work very well for me. I need to stop whining now.

I put a photo of my hair on this blog. It is longer than this, now, but it is still this curly. Some mornings, when I look in the mirror, I feel like Larry from the 3 Stooges. Or Tim from the 80’s. Remember when Afros were the rage? ROFL. He was cute, and it was the style… Along with mullets. We did those too. On our poor son. I can’t remember if Tim ever had one, but Thomas Nasif did. Now it is all etched in history: mullets, skateboards, and on Sonja, that hair over your face thing the girls were doing. I shake my head and remember how stupid I looked in high school and I don’t even judge. How can I? I would never let my daughter dress the way I dressed in high school. Apparently there was NO dress code in the public high school I attended. Really.

I am trying to think of a graceful way to end this blog, and I don’t have one. Life is sketchy sometimes. Hair looks awful, dress codes are wonky, and some days my heart just aches. This does not take away (from) my faith. I love God and thank Him for His Son Jesus who saved me. So. And There.

2020 – A New Year – Great Hope

I am thinking about this new year. I am feeling out of sorts and wondering if I feel this way every new year. So much is going on in our lives, not the least of which is we have a friend in the hospital and the docs haven’t figured out exactly what is going on with him. I just heard he is doing ok, today, but he has a long way to go.

This is the first new year we’ve had for quite a while where no one in the (immediate) family is sick, broken, or dying. Things are looking good for 2020. We have several book events scheduled, already. The first one is the Tempe Public Library Book festival, January 25. If you live in that area, I really hope you attend. There will be a lot of fun things to do there, and BOOKS! We would love to see you there.

In the meantime, I have my book And Freedom to the Prisoners with the final editor. I cannot wait to get it back. I want to enter it into some contests and get it published. I am an Indie author which means I rely on you guys to spread the word via word of mouth and social media, so if you read my book(s), and if you like them, please let your friends know. It is the same with TJ’s books, also.

Memories of War is on Amazon and Kindle. It is a novella about the Underground Railroad during the Civil War. And Freedom to the Prisoners is a companion book to it. I am working on another companion book to And Freedom to the Prisoners, at this time.

Writing is weird. Especially the writing I do. Since I dabble in historical fiction, I have to do a bunch of research of the times my stories are set in. I don’t make stuff like that up the way TJ does for his stories. Because his books, The Mirror Gate Chronicles, are science fiction/fantasy stories, he does a bunch of world building and makes up everything; the culture, the events, everything. I cannot do that because I set my stories in known history. But I like history, so for me it isn’t a chore to do the research. I think if I had to world build, I would have a lot of trouble with it. That kind of thinking breaks my brain. Please let me know what kind of stories you like to read. You might give one of us a great idea to write about.

If you are reading my blogs, I would love a response here, and if you buy any of our books from Amazon or Kindle, it would help me a lot if you’d leave a review. The more reviews from you, the more Amazon and Kindle will help us advertise our books. It’s about the stories, but it is also about you folks. Thanks for your patronage.

This Blog is Not About Cancer

They keep changing WordPress and I’m feeling a little annoyed. You just learn to make something work well and the “powers that be” change it so it’s another puzzle in your life you did not need.

Ok. Over it for right now. I’ve had the flu this last week. It sucks. Weak and feverish, in pain and not hungry. Well, not hungry isn’t terrible. I am hoping I lost a pound. Wouldn’t that be neat? The two surgeries, the chemo, and the radiation did little to my appetite. What they did was cause me to be unable to exercise properly and I’ve gained weight. I am on the hard road back to losing weight. The flu hasn’t helped. But watch this spot *. I will lose weight and get back to a healthy proper size for me. But enough of that… cause NO CANCER.

Halloween was so fun. Elektra dressed up as Spiderman. Simone and I took her on a long walk about in the neighborhood. We were all exhausted at the end and our feet hurt. It was a blast, except I was sick and didn’t know it. But I figured it out about 2 AM when I was feverish and freezing, and then sweating, through the night.

I had my flu shot, by the way. About 3 weeks ago. It takes 6 weeks for full immunity with the flu shot, so I got it from someone while I wasn’t immune, yet. I would like to go off about people who think they can get the flu from the shot. You CAN’T. It is literally impossible to get the flu from dead virus. I suggest if you are that person who thinks they do get the flu from the shot that you look into being allergic to something in the shot like albumin. Allergies are not the flu. Allergies are our immune systems reactions to stuff. If our immune system isn’t as hardy as we’d like it to be, we get reactions like sniffles, sneezing, hives, and sometimes cold-like symptoms.

I am not saying if you get sick every time you get the flu shot, you should get it anyway, BUT you should speak to your doctor about how to figure out what is wrong with you really. There is an option of a flu vaccine that doesn’t come packed in albumin. I was a nurse and I did work for an Allergy Specialist. That is how we figured out TJ is allergic to eggs and eggs = albumin. He doesn’t get vaccines at all. All vaccines make him sick. Also, since his nose surgery, he’s been really healthy outside the heart attack. It was not allergy related. (LOL)

But today, except for feeling tired, I am much better. No headache, no cold sweats or muscle aches. A couple more days and back to my mean old self. Walking, writing, and picking on TJ. Cleaning house, and baking with the monsters. It’s a good life.

I didn’t get any photos of the storm this morning. It blew by so fast, but maybe with the next one? The weather people said, “Phoenix probably won’t get any rain. It will be mostly on the east side of the state.” So I said, “God, You are higher and more powerful than any weather person,” and God sent us just a little to clear out the skies. Thank you, God!

The Continuing Sagas of the Cancer Chronicles

It is almost two years since the breast cancer and almost 1 year since the uterine cancer. Summer in Phoenix is almost past, with Autumn looming about 2 weeks away and I feel pretty well. I’ve been swimming with Elektra 2 – 3 times a week and building up my strength. Some muscles were sorely ignored while I was ill.

I do need to say doctors who work with cancer and heart patients have no sense of humor. I guess they get all focused on the disease and forget, even though serious, there is so much to laugh about. My husband’s poor cardiologist (and I am not saying poor with regards to his monetary status, believe me) just looks at him all confused at every meeting.

The reason I even mention this is because I had my second exam after chemo and radiation yesterday, so I got to interact with my oncology doctor. He’s the nicest man, and I think he tried to understand my sarcasm, ’cause we Ajamie girls are the most sarcastic lot. Just ask anyone of us. My sister Susan and I used to blame our dad for this, but then we realized our cousins were just as bad. Sheesh. It must be genetic. Now-a-days my darling TJ just rolls his eyes when I am punning or commenting tongue in cheek. Several times a day I say, “that’s funny. You should laugh.” and he says, “I am laughing” with his deadpan face. Then he crooks a silly grin and I laugh instead. Maybe he’s the funny one.

I am saying all of this because my second appointment, yesterday, was good. Doc is happy and I am happy except for the tingling nerves all down my legs. His answer for this is, “that may still get better.” Argh. May get better? I certainly hope so. Actually, it has improved, but I notice it most at the end of the day and when I lie down to sleep. My feet burn inside my shoes and I have pins and needles radiating down my thighs. The foot thing is most disconcerting because not really feeling your feet throws you off balance. When it was really bad, I used a cane so I didn’t topple over. I haven’t been doing that recently. But when I take up walking (as the weather cools) again, I will definitely need my hiking pole. Even on mostly flat surfaces like the streets of Phoenix, if I hit a dip or something, I stutter step and I certainly do not want to fall. Gah. As I mentioned (to anyone who will listen) I am just too old for falling down.

Because Doc is happy about my results so far, he said don’t come back for 4 months, so hurrah. One small stutter step for me! One giant leap for wiping out cancer. I added the photo of Sedona with the rainbow because rainbows are significant of God’s promises. Needless to say, I am pleased about the whole thing and so happy it is mostly over. I am standing on God’s healing love and claiming victory over this. You won’t hear from me about cancer except at those appointed doctor visits, only 3 next year, and then every six (?) months until at 5 years, I will be pronounced clean (from this leprosy.) That’s a joke.

My New Job and All the Perks

Hi, all. I think I told you my medical tests came back fine! So far, so good. I have another exam September 4. This will go on like this for about 5 years. I will be clear and healed if nothing recurs during that time. Hurray! I will keep you posted though, because though it is on my mind, it isn’t the exciting thing in my life. So here goes…

The exciting thing in my life, besides God (duh) and my wonderful family (another duh) is my writing. You all know I can write blogs. Some of you like them and have told me so, and I’m not sure who’s reading them and who’s not, ’cause you people are stubborn and don’t let me know. I would really love to hear from you. It helps me know I’m not just writing in a diary no one else peaks into, right?

I am writing a book. If you are a Facebook friend, you might know this. I previously wrote a novella length book, but this one is full-on novel size. Novellas are under 45,000 words. Right now, as we speak, I am at 47,780, more or less.

The novella, as you may know, is called Memories of War. It is a story about the Underground Railroad and the people of faith who assisted slaves to freedom. It is an easy read, so if you have time, it’s on Amazon at this link (click here). If you have Kindle Unlimited it is free. I would LOVE a review on Amazon. But I digress. The new book is more or less a sequel, or a side-by-side book, or I don’t know what regarding two freed slaves who run away to the north, and then they join a wagon train to go west. This happens during the Civil War. I am so excited about this story. It will be my very first novel length book. I don’t have a publishing company, so you won’t see it in bookstores unless someone knows a publisher who might take pity on me and put me under contract. ROFLMBO.

The writing is my new job. I can get up and clean my kitchen or do laundry just by stepping out of my office to rest my brain. I can play with my darling grandkids, walk my dogs, and watch hummingbirds. This is the best job I ever had. I hope you join me on my adventure. Maybe someday you can say “I know her. She’s a writer.”

Life After Chemo

There is something called chemo brain. I may have had it before the chemo, though. Forgetting words in the middle of sentences, staring blankly at people I’ve known for years and forgetting their names. It is actually getting better and not worse.

I believe the stress of working was making me crazy, after all 45 years of work, right? Not sleeping well, work, kids, grandkids, other family and friend issues, all that comes with all of those. The the cancer, the surgery, the pain, the recuperation, the new cancer, the surgery, the pain, the chemo, the misery from the chemo, the stress from the chemo, the radiation, the recuperation. But now! Now, I am recuperating and guess what? My last tests were clear. So far so good. The chemo brain is not as bad. I am writing, playing, sleeping, praying, all these in no particular order.

Well. There is some order to it. I try to pray and write in the morning. Playing consists of swimming with my 3 wonderful grandchildren or sitting on the play area floor and listening to the 4 year old make up stories while holding a little toy as she says, “make it talk.” and don’t dare set it down on its own. It can’t talk if you aren’t holding it, don’t you know? We are in the midst of the summer in Arizona, so the park is out of the question. Even at 8 AM, it is too hot to play outside. Except the pool. The pool gives us an hour and a half of good, clean (chlorinated) fun. And I love it. Jumping, racing, splashing, floating with my 3 angels is so good for my body and my soul. Can’t think of many things I’d rather do, really.

The writing is coming along, the health is coming along. I can’t think of how life could be sweeter right now. I am blessed by God on so many levels, regardless of the illness and its impact on my life. Just because it was unfortunate and who wants cancer, why do I have to look at it as a bad thing? It was a moment in time, with so much time a head of being with Tim, loving on my family, and praising God for His constant inspiration.

If you read this to the end, go out and be kind to someone. Thank God for someone or something in your life. Clean the trash away from your life, literally and figuratively. Take cookies to the old person who lives along on your street. Buy bottled water to give to the homeless. Doing this stuff makes you stop thinking about your own problems and fills your heart. And God takes notice of kindnesses. Post your blessings on Facebook and brighten other people’s day!

Spring in Arizona

Spring in Arizona is like summer everywhere else in the continental US of A. It is 80 – 99 degrees, and yes, the AC comes on most afternoons. I hear people in other states (Barb) say things like, “Most houses here don’t have air conditioning.” I think to myself, it only gets to 80 there. A good fan will keep you cool. I think this summer is going to be steamy. We had a nice rainy winter, and we’ve crept up near 100 degrees, already. We can still sit outside on the porch in the morning, and if we get going, we can walk before it is too warm, but if we wait? Oh no! It is too hot and uncomfortable. In the summer you have to get up before the sun to get in a safe, albeit not cool, exercise period. Also, the sun. The sun gets up before I am ready for it. It lights up all my windows and calls out, Get out of bed you lazy oaf. Mean sun.

You haven’t lived until you have to call the City of Phoenix. You really haven’t. Their phone system does not want you to talk to a human being. They try to direct you in every direction but where you want to go until you are swearing at your phone. Well, not me ’cause I’m so sweet and well-behaved, but everyone else. (snicker) A few years ago I thought to myself, oh look at the water bill, we are doing really well with saving money! But, oh no, mon frere! The meter was broken and guess what? We owed $$ for about 6 months of non-payment. It really hit us in the pocket book. Why are you telling us this, you say? Well, guess what? I got another really low bill again. So to avoid being killed by our City of Phoenix Services bill, I called them. They supposedly have a work order in to fix our water meter. I am paying something close to my usual amount to avoid being strong-armed by the CoP goons for back payment. Grrr.

The good news is my breast doctor has freed me from visiting her anymore. No more cancer? Checkups with primary care doctor, and regular yearly mammograms. Hear that girls? Do your monthly breast exams, make sure your doctor checks you yearly, and get that yearly mammogram, too. #nobreastcancer No excuses. I do not want one more of my family or friends to die from this awful disease.

The other good news is my book Memories of War is out on Amazon and Kindle. It is $9.99 for the paperback and $5.99 for the Kindle version. If you get it, please, please do a review for me. I need feedback. I want feedback. Click here to go to Amazon. This would make a nice Mother’s Day gift for your Mom or wife, or sister or aunt, or friend who likes to read. Just saying.

But the BEST good news is Easter morning, the tomb was empty. He is risen. Remember: God is love and in Him there is no darkness at all.